You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she told me i tasted like america
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
