I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
