Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize