people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We got so high we made milksteak
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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