if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
