He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
