We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
