At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize