checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
