don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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