I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
COCAINE IS GR8
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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