can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
