Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
