I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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