why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
