How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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