I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
