I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
