Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
