it wasn't lemon gatorade
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
