I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
