You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
