where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
