I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
