I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
