Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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