once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
