he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
