Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
