Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
