oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
