all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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