we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
