I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
