So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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