my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
