I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The air was thick with penises
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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