yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
