whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
