At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
