Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
