Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
