I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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