bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
