I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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