I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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