also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
