Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
