Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize