I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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