The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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