well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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