Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
