Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
