You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
