just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
