He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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