Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dignity is for republicans.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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