Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
