R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
