The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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