So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
