i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
