God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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