someone threw a dead crab at me
Michael Bay diarrhea
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
