there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
