I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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