Welp...herpes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize